How patient is a saint?

According to the well known saying, saints seem to have unlimited amount of patience, but it seems to me that God has so much more.

I spent some of today in the wilderness, well the wilderness of my mind with a complete mental block. I started my ramblings for the day thinking about all the things that get between us and God, especially in terms of our Lenten practices. The temptation that makes us break our fast, or the politeness that makes us eat chocolate put in front of us. For those trying to take up something it is often the day to day routine that pushes God out – family, work* or any number of things that get in the way.

It was all those things that caused my mental block and feeling of being in the wilderness, my struggle to “do Lent” not for any theological or deeply reflective reason but due to uselessness and apathy of the mind. And so I find myself wandering off in the desert, lost without compass or map and then picking up the trail again. And that it where I find far more patience than any saint could hold.

Some people would say that they found God waiting for them when they came back, patient as ever. For me He was always there, walking with me, I was just doing a very good job of ignoring him. Then, when I turned round, called his name and started speaking again the conversation picked up. I found the very same patience and yet it followed me and toured the wilderness with me.

I feel as though this Lent will be fruitful, I feel the wilderness beckoning.

 

* In two and a half years I still can’t get to grips with the fact that, as a Methodist minister, work gets in the way of my time with God. Perhaps more reflection needed there.