End of the fast day

As my #endhungerfast day draws to a close my primary battle is with emotions that I'm kind of ashamed of in this particular context.

I feel proud. There, I said it. This is my first 24hr fast with absolutely no meals (and no coffee) and I wasn't sure I would make it, not from tea last night until breakfast tommorrow. So I'm quite chuffed that I've got this far without any significant temptation. But I'm far from proud about this emotion, to feel good about myself in light of the End Hunger Fast campaign, and the number of people for whom the lack of food is a miserbale thing,  feels a bit self centrered.

I'm not sure if it is the right word but my other emotion was boredom. Hunger has not been a massive part of the day, that uncomfortable hunger that makes the stomach rumble only hit once. But tonight I wanted to eat because I was bored, I wanted the taste of something (anything to be honest) and the activity of chewing rather than just swallowing water. There is actually some enjoyment in eating and this is what I was missing. It was more my mouth that wanted satisfying rather than a stomach based hunger. And again this felt wrong, it felt selfish. When so many people have no choice in the matter, and their very real hunger causes misery - and then my primary emotion was boredom! Yeah, emotions I am ashamed of. 

My eyes have been opened by these emotions though. I haven't felt hunger because I have enough in reserve for my body to cope. This has been a day, where others are living with this day in and day out. This has been easy because it is a choice and it was short. I was proud because I have achieved something whereas tonight so many people should feel proud that they have fed families and survived another day despite the cuts that have been made to their benefits and their income. 

I am "bored" because there is food there waiting for me, because in 6 or so hours I will be able to eat, and I know the boys won't go without either. I feel like this because there is an option, as opposed to those for whom there is nothing waiting to be eaten in the morning, tomorrow will be like today and it will hurt. I have had a conversation recently with someone who is living this life and my MP tells me it is not a reality. Even if I have not been able to come close to feeling what someone is such poverty is feeling, what I have felt has at least opened a window into a very different world to my own.

And having looked through this window my only plea is that as a nation we may be able to #endhungerfast.